Bullying.

[helgatwb]

This is a very difficult piece. I was bullied for many years, every single day that I was in public school, in fact. They say: “Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you.” This is, in fact, the advice I was given when I was bullied. Laugh it off, shrug it off, it doesn’t matter. I am living proof that that is bullshit. I agree with Robert Fulghum: “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will break your heart.” This is… an example, if you will, of what I went through. The words that the bullies said to me, and my soul’s response, in parentheses.

To reiterate, this is a fairly explicit description of severe bullying, and soul-torment. Please, please, please take care of yourself.

Fat (It shouldn’t matter, oh please, why do you care?)

Ugly (I’m not ugly, my mama says I’m pretty, I don’t understand why!)

Stupid (I’m not stupid, I get good grades, I tested high, why would you lie?)

Bitch (Why, why, why? I don’t hurt people, I don’t say things right, sometimes, but I don’t mean to.)

Bookworm (Why does it even matter to you, how I spend my time?)

Nerd (I like what I like, please, don’t be mean, please.)

Slut (Why would you say that, what did I ever do?)

Worthless (Please, don’t, I don’t understand.)

Dumb (I have a voice, I’m smart, why, please stop.)

Whore (Please, don’t, I didn’t do anything to you, why won’t you leave me alone?)

Useless (No, don’t say that, don’t, it can’t be true, please.)

Waste of space (Please, stop, no, don’t.)

Get in the truck, spread your legs, and make yourself useful, for once (I didn’t do anything, please stop, please don’t say that, why can’t you leave me alone?)

(If everyone is saying this, it must be true, but I don’t want it to be, please make it not true, I don’t understand, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I EVER DID TO MAKE YOU BE SO MEAN TO ME! I try, it hurts, please make it stop, I don’t. Please.)

I was not raped, but it was threatened, multiple times. I was slapped, and pushed down the stairs, once. In kindergarten, I was pushed off of the merry-go-round, and trampled. I had other forms of harassment, sexual and non, perpetrated on me. I was messed with, psychologically. I have an extremely low sense of self-worth, and self-esteem. I have an extremely short temper, and extremely thin skin. I am a loner, and my social skills are nil. And all I ever wanted to know is why? I never did anything to anybody.

I composed this, before I ever turned on my computer. I had a very strange experience. By the end of it, I was crying so hard, my eyes had swollen shut. In my mind, I could see a figure. It was a girl, she was crumpled on the ground, naked, looking as if she had been hurt, badly, and thrown there. I realized it was me. Some part of me, so I went over there, and covered her. I’m still taking care of her, in my mind. I don’t get what is up with that, but it feels nice, so I’m going to keep doing that.

This work is, to my knowledge, completely original. I have been influenced by others, but have not consciously attempted to mimic anyone’s style, nor plagiarize anyone’s work. If you want to use it, please give credit, and let me know.

Comments

Wow!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing. It's helpful to see different examples of bullying, so that people know they're not alone in that kind of experience.

It's sad that this happens to anyone.

Re: Wow!

[helgatwb]

>> Powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing. It's helpful to see different examples of bullying, so that people know they're not alone in that kind of experience. <<

Yes. This is part of why I wrote it. I also wanted to be heard, you know?

>> It's sad that this happens to anyone. <<

I don't know what to do to stop it, but I'm hoping to at least shine some light on it.

Re: Wow!

[ysabetwordsmith]

I'm really glad you did this. I have linked to it.

Re: Wow!

[helgatwb]

Thank you.